Is Self-Regulation the Same as Controlling Your Environment?

Self-help and nervous system regulation are hot topics right now, and for good reason.  Being able to self-regulate is the driving force behind living a life that you enjoy.  Being able to handle challenges with grace, reset your mind and body during stressful times, and stay present amidst a little chaos are all necessary skills for living a successful, fulfilling, and healthy life.  

Often, I see self-regulation confused with environmental regulation: controlling the details of your environment as a way to avoid dysregulation.  Managing your environment is less about regulating and more about prevention, and oftentimes, control.  Environmental regulation focuses on the external: using your energy to avoid certain stimuli.  Internal self-regulation focuses on the internal: building an arsenal of tools inside of yourself that you can tap into to manage your reactions to an environment or experience.  

External environmental regulation can be beneficial to set a baseline tone and pace for your life. For example, avoiding crowds, loud noises, and difficult conversations may prevent dysregulation in some people. However, the simple truth is that life is going to happen, regardless of how tightly you curate your environment.  There will be noise, occasional conflict, schedule mishaps, traffic jams, frustrations, and delays.   While creating a safe and comforting environment is important to maintaining a sense of safety in your body, true self-regulation is being able to regulate amidst the challenges and curveballs that life throws at you.

There is an abundance of tools available to better self-regulate, from meditation, yoga, time in nature, exercise, journaling, and breathwork to more obscure routes such as vibration therapy, coffee enemas, somatic dance, and scream therapy.  All of these methods can add to your toolbox of resources to utilize daily, weekly, or to tap into during a crisis.  

Self-regulation is a gift that you give not only to yourself, but to those who love you.  Being able to deeply care for yourself allows you to free your loved one of the expectation that they need to manage your experience or emotions.  This opens up the emotional space for deep connection, trust, and genuine love.  

If you are finding yourself living in a bubble to avoid hard things or struggling to bounce back from challenges, consider adding some more tools to your self-regulation toolbox and grow your capacity and resilience.